Weird Tricks to Clean Your Car

Hair conditioner for shine

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Wash your car with a hair conditioner containing lanolin. You'll become a believer when you see the freshly waxed look, and when you find that the surface will repel rain.

Fizz windshields clean with cola

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When it rains after a long dry spell, a dirty windshield turns into one big mess. Get rid of streaks and blotches by pouring cola over the glass. (Stretch a towel along the bottom of the windshield to protect hood paint.) The bubbles in the cola will fizz away the grime. Just be sure to wash the sticky cola off thoroughly or your cleaning efforts will end up attractingdust and dirt.

Shine those car lights

Keep your headlights polished (and yourself, safe) by applying window cleaner and rubbing vigorously with an old pair of panty hose.

A one-step window cleaner

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Clean your windshield and car windows by rubbing them with baby wipes stored in your glove compartment. What could be easier?

Clean your blades

If your windshield wiper blades get dirty, they'll streak the glass instead of keeping it clean and clear. Make a solution of 1/4 cup household ammonia to 1 quart cold water. Gently lift the blades, and wipe both sides with a soft cloth or paper towel soaked in the solution. Then wipe the blades with a dry cloth before lowering them into place.

You can see clearly now

Add 1/4 cup household ammonia to 1 quart water, pour it into a plastic bottle with a water-tight cap, and keep it in your car for washing the windshield and windows. As soon as your windshield begins to get dirty, take out the solution and apply it with a sponge; then dry the windshield with a soft cloth or paper towels.

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7 Ways and 7 Days to Renew Your Life

To renew and reinvent our lives, we all need a plan. Here it is: a seven-day process to work with over and over. This plan incorporates physical, mental and spiritual work. Use the whole seven-day process, or choose any one of the days to work with as you create the life you want.

DAY 1: RE-CHARGE A Day of Commitment

Focus on changing your mind-set: This is the day to change the thought patterns playing in your mind. Get rid of phrases such as “I can’t.” “Why does this happen to me?” “Things always seem to go wrong.” “After three bad things happen, life will change for the better.” Insert thoughts such as “I can do it.” ” There are creative solutions to any problem.”

Create a visual logo that works for you: Imagine the ocean or the lake, water falls, butterflies, sunshine, moonshine — whatever works for you. Note the image or images that work for you, and if you begin to feel negative, simply bring one of your positive images to mind. Your image is your logo for positive energy.

Tools for Day 1: Motivational books, music, dance, art, all that is inspirational.

DAY 2: RE-VAMP A Day of Planning

What changes do you need to make in your home?
What changes do you need to make in your office?
What changes do you need to make in your exercise routine, OR do you need to begin an exercise routine (with doctor’s permission of course)?
What changes do you need to make in your diet?

Tools for Day 2: A notebook and pen, or computer

DAY 3: RE-CYCLE A Day of Throwing Out

Choose an area of your home, your garage, your backyard, and clean it out thoroughly. Have three boxes set up: one for things to keep, one for things to repair, and one for things to give to others. The hard work begins.

Do not tackle your whole house on this one-day. This seven-day program can be repeated again, and each time you can choose a new area. You can repeat Day 3 every week for six weeks.

Tools for Day 3: Boxes to sort things in, vacuum cleaner, broom, dust rags, music to play to cheer yourself on through this hard day of work.

DAY 4: RE-FRESH A Day of Refreshment

This is a day of reward. If you cleaned out your office or home on day 3, then refresh this space with a new plant or bunch of flowers. Give yourself a present. Open the windows and make sure the light can shine in.

Tools for Day 4: A present for yourself.

DAY 5: RE-TURN A Day of Spiritual Contemplation

This is a day to contemplate your spiritual values and re-turn to the values that are important to you. This is a quiet day of soul searching. In the past two days you have re-cycled some of your belongings and you have refreshed an area of your house or office: you did a lot of physical work. You were involved with a lot of “things.” Today, focus on the soul level. Sit and connect with the God of your understanding and ask questions:

What is the meaning of my life?
What am I here to do in this lifetime?
What am I proud of and what advances have I made in my life?
Which areas of my life need work?

This is the day to take an honest look at the way you spend your time, the people you associate with, the worries that occupy you too much, the fears that you allow to control you, the anger you may have towards others.

Tools for Day 5: An honest heart and an inquiring mind.

DAY 6: RE-INVENT A Day to Change Patterns

Yesterday was an assessment day. It was a hard day. Today is a day to make plans to change the parts of your life that need changing.
Do you have health problems you are not facing? Make an appointment with a health professional or get back to taking care of yourself in the way that you know is best for you.

Are you allowing the problems of others to dominate your life? If so this is a day to make plans to change your schedule. If you are a caregiver, find creative ways to get time off. And do not say, “There is no way.” Find out what your community has to offer. If the person you are taking care of does not want to receive care from others, then you must be strong and explain that you have to have time off.

If you spend all your time compassionately listening to others, remember that you will burn out if you do not have time for yourself. We all know this, but we do not always allow time for ourselves.

Tools for Day 6: A notebook, pen, computer, a telephone, appointment book.

DAY 7: RE-INVEST A Investment Day in All That is Positive

While I hesitate to use the word “re-invest” during this financial crisis, it is time to think about how to best spend your money, how to best spend your time. You have spent an entire week taking a look at your physical and spiritual life. Today is the day to take a good look at your financial life as well. Another coffee for five dollars may not be the best way to go. A lot of takeout food costs money. Are there ways to organize your cooking so that you do not pick up as much food?

Tools for Day 7: Your financial records, your checkbook, a willingness to make changes.

OKAY LET’S GET STARTED AND CHANGE OUR LIVES!

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A Powerful Two-Step Process to Get Rid of Unwanted Anger

When—without warning—something provokes your anger, you may struggle not to succumb to it. Since what typically makes you mad is feeling powerless in the face of what seems unfair, your anger is mostly an attempt at a “quick fix” to right the balance. It’s as though you’re raising a fist in protest, proclaiming that you’re not going to capitulate to such injustice.

There are, however, a multitude of problems related to this immediate, push-back reaction of anger. And probably the key one is that almost never does it resolve the issue that gave rise to it. Such reactive anger is probably best understood as self-defeating. As David Burns, the author of the seminal self-help book Feeling Good, observes: if, realistically, acting on your anger is to make any sense, it needs to meet two criteria—which, in almost every case, is frankly impossible. That is, your anger must:

• be directed toward a person who has intentionally (and needlessly) behaved in a hurtful way toward you; and

• be beneficial or advantageous to you (i.e., assist you in achieving a desired goal).

I think you’ll agree that only rarely can you claim that your anger is both warranted andhelpful, whether to yourself or the relationship.

So let me offer you a two-step alternative to abandoning your better judgment and giving in to the temptation of anger—one that should neutralize your anger in seconds. Or, when you’re really angry, in minutes.

But keep in mind that you must really want to execute these steps, be sufficientlymotivated to perform them. Which means overcoming more unconscious resistance than you might ever have imagined. Because there are many immediate “advantages” of anger that can interfere with your resolve, I’ll suggest a few of them that might interfere with your employing this powerful method to rid yourself of counter-productive anger. That is, in the short-term, anger:

• can offer you the instant “reward” of feeling morally superior to whomever, or whatever, you’re angry at—and this “justified” sense of righteousness (or self-righteousness) can actually bolster a somewhat shaky self-image;

• can help you defend against an underlying anxiety, or general sense of vulnerability—for the adrenaline rush of anger (however superficially) may help you feel empowered;

• can protect you from experiencing an underlying depression, or deep sense ofloneliness or alienation—for, after all, your anger does enable you to stay “engaged” with the other person);

• can restore in you some semblance of control when, in your momentary frustration, you may suddenly feel out of control; and

• can help you, through intimidating the other person(s), get your way with them (and here, I won’t even begin to enumerate anger’s negative longer-term effects on relationships!).

If you struggle implementing the two-step process described below, these immediate “advantages” are probably what are getting in the way, and precisely what you may need to better realize—and work through.

So much for caveats. Here are the two steps—call them my “double-R technique for anger control”:

(1)  RELAX  Inasmuch as anger is the emotion that prepares your entire body for fight (vs. fear-inspired flight), you must find a way of discharging this non-productive “fighting energy” before you do anything else. You need to know that, to “do battle,” experiencing significant anger automatically activates every muscle group and organ in your body. Broadly defined, all anger is a reaction to some perceived threat, so it naturally serves as the body’s evolutionary cue to ready itself for combat. Thus mobilized for immediate—and impulsive—action, any “stalling” reflectiveness would be a handicap. So anger affects your thinking quite as powerfully as it does your body.

Given the legal and ethical constraints of modern civilization, it’s extremely unlikely that when you get mad you’ll go in for the kill and physically assault your boss, wife, husband, etc. But since anger readies your mind (not just your body) for battle, once the emotion overcomes you and you’ve lost the ability to objectively assess the situation, it’s quite likely that you’ll verbally attack the other person. For at this point, your thinking is no longer driven by your more evolved, rational neocortex (or “new brain”), but your much more primitive, survival-oriented, simple-minded midbrain (as in, “Me right, you wrong!”or “Me good, you bad!”). In this childlike, regressed mental state, all you can think of is having been disregarded, falsely accused, disrespected, distrusted, devalued, cheated, discriminated against, violated, and so on. And—self-righteously—feeling so wronged, what you crave is revenge. Instant revenge. It’s as though, moralistically speaking, only through attacking the other person can you bring them “to justice.”

Because your thinking is now exaggerated or distorted, if you’re to retrieve any emotional equilibrium—–so you can re-evaluate the situation from a more reasonable, adult perspective—you’ll need first to find some way of settling yourself down. That is, the initial step in this 2-step protocol is to calm your upset body. Only then can you focus on the second step of calming your upset mind.

Hopefully, you’ve already discovered a way to relax yourself—whether through deep, rhythmic, diaphragmatic breathing; some form of meditation; listening to tranquilizing music; visualization or guided imagery; self-hypnosis; acupressure; yoga; or any of the many other relaxation techniques available. But if you don’ t have a ready way of calming yourself, it’s essential that you learn one. For instance, you might look up breathing exercises on the Web, and teach yourself the one that feels most appropriate for you. Then practice it diligently till you can use it to relax at will.

Or, if you’ve got a good visual imagination, picture yourself lying on the beach, walking in the forest, floating on a cloud, leaning against a tree next to a serene lake—or whatever scene you associate with relaxation. And take the time to experience your body reacting to the calming cues “embodied” in the scene you choose. For example, on a private beach, you might fantasize seeing the panoramic beauty of your surroundings; smellingthe fresh salt air; hearing the surf hit the shore, or the sea gulls squawking overhead;feeling (tactilely) the warmth of the sun and the mild breeze tickling your bare skin, and the grainy sand slipping through your fingers; etc. Be sure to bring as many of your senses into play as possible. For your body really can’t tell the difference between what’s actual and what’s well-imagined.

But keep in mind that any method you can successfully employ to cool yourself down and reduce your level of physiological arousal—even if it’s nothing more than taking a deep breath (preferably, with eyes closed) and slowly, slowly letting it out—will do just fine. The main thing is that rather than vehemently ventilating your frustrations, you buy yourself some time and engage in a form of self-soothing that, indirectly, will significantly reduce the intensity of your anger.

And if, finally, you’re unable to relax yourself through any of the many “body-quieting” methods available, try vigorous exercise to (non-violently) release the physical tension resulting from your charged-up, angry feelings. Such efforts should allow you to loosen up—both in body and mind—so that you’ll feel calmer and be able to think more clearly.

2. RE-ASSESS  By which I mean get yourself to look at the situation that provoked you from a different, more positive, perspective. I can hardly overemphasize that your anger primarily derives from your negative appraisal of what happened. Alter that outlook and the emotion tied to it must change also. So ask yourself questions like:

• Did he (or she) really mean what I think I heard them say? Am I assuming something that needs to be verified?

• Is this situation as terrible as it feels right now? Am I possibly exaggerating its significance? taking it too seriously?

• Is my notion of this person’s being unfair to me more a reflection of my self-interested bias than the other person’s trying to take advantage of me? Are theirinterests or concerns maybe just as important, and legitimate, to them as mine are to me [i.e., do all you can to challenge your possible self-righteousness in the matter]?

• Can I re-focus my attention on what I actually like about this person—and stop focusing exclusively on this particular behavior, which clearly I don’t like?

• What’s the concrete evidence that he (or she) intentionally wanted to antagonize, hurt, or humiliate me? Am I taking this more personally than warranted?

• Can I see this situation from the other person’s point of view (i.e., try to understand their motives more empathically)?

• Might this person’s hard-to-take criticism have some rational basis to it? Is there something I can learn from it that, ultimately, might help me?

• Is it possible I was misunderstood? Is it maybe my fault that the person failed to “get” what I was trying to communicate, and so reacted negatively to me? And if they’re just “dense,” do I really want to blame them for this?

• Am I maybe taking what this person said too literally? Might they simply be kidding around—and it’s really my own insecurities or self-doubt that’s making me upset?

• If this person really is being inconsiderate, mean, or nasty to me, have I also seen them act this way toward others? Can I remind myself that basically this is theirproblem, not mine—and that I’m much better off simply not taking what they say to heart?

I could probably list another 50 (or 500!) questions to ask yourself when your vulnerability buttons are getting pushed. But hopefully, these self-talk examples will suffice. Since your anger didn’t stem from the situation itself, but the negative meaning, interpretation, or evaluation you ascribed to it, you need to consider alternate ways of perceiving whatever provoked you. In almost every case I think you’ll find that a more level-headed, “measured” assessment of what triggered your anger will help eliminate it.

And with less anger in your life, you’re likely to feel far more relaxed, and happier too. Just don’t ever forget that external events are just that—something external to you—until, that is, you decide, internally, to react to them. Constantly remind yourself that no one other than yourself has the power to make you angry. For, in the end, this “warlike” emotion is something that’s created in your own mind.

NOTE 1: I've published a variety of articles on anger on my PT blog. If you’re interested in further expanding your understanding of this troublesome emotion—and what to do about it—here are some titles (and links):

"Don't Let Your Anger 'Mature' into Bitterness,"

"Angry Tears,"

"Does Your Partner Have Rage Attacks? Here's What to Do,"

"The Rarely Recognized Upside of Anger,"

"The Paradox of Anger: Strength or Weakness?",

 "The Anger Thermostat—What's the "Temperature" of Your Upset?"

 “Anger Always Makes Sense,”

"What Does Donald Duck Have to Do with Anger Control?",

“Anger—How We Transfer Feelings of Guilt, Hurt, and Fear,” 

“What Your Anger May Be Hiding,”

 “Mad =Angry + Crazy + Dumb” (Parts 1 & 2), and

"Afraid to Rage: The Origins of Passive-Aggressive Behavior."

NOTE 2: If you know anyone who might possibly have some interest in this post, I hope you’ll consider passing it on.

NOTE 3: If you’d like to check out other posts I’ve done for Psychology Today online—on a broad variety of psychological topics—click here.

© 2012 Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved.

---To be notified whenever I post something new, I invite readers to join me onFacebook(link is external)—as well as on Twitter (link is external)where, additionally, you can follow my frequently unorthodox psychological and philosophical musings.

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What’s Your Anger Style?

Anger Style: Explosive

What it looks like: "If you leave your jacket on the floor one more time, I'm leaving you!" It may take a lot to push you over the edge, but when you get there, the earth shakes and people run for cover.
Why you might do it: If you were never taught how to deal with irritation, you may habitually swallow it until you can swallow no more. Eventually your top will blow. Some people are anger junkies, who get off on the adrenaline rush of an emotional explosion, not to mention the fact that the onslaught can mean they get their way―at least in the short term.
The damage: It is virtually impossible to feel empathy and anger simultaneously, so in the heat of the moment, you are more likely to say and do overly harsh things that you later regret.

How to Turn It Around

• Wait it out. "Research has shown that the neurological anger response lasts less than two seconds," says Ronald Potter-Efron, Ph.D., an anger-management specialist in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, and a coauthor of Letting Go of Anger. Beyond that, it takes a commitment to stay angry. Mentally recite the Pledge of Allegiance or count to 10 and see if the urge to explode has diminished.
• Own your emotions. A simple rephrasing of your feelings can help you feel more in control. "I'm really upset by your behavior" is much more effective and empowering than %#*&@!.

Anger Style: Self-Abuse

What it looks like: "It's my fault he doesn't help me. I'm a terrible wife." You find a way to make everything your fault, every single time.
Why you might do it: Somewhere along the line, your self-esteem took a beating and you decided that sometimes it's just safer and easier to be mad at yourself than at someone else.
The damage: Constantly turning angry feelings inward can set you up for continued disappointments and even depression.

How to Turn It Around

• Question yourself. Every time you feel the urge to assume blame, start by asking yourself, "Who told me I was responsible for this?" Then ask, "Do I really believe that?" Instead of accepting all responsibility, thank yourself for recognizing the pattern in the first place.
• Work on your self-worth. Make a list of your positive qualities. Developing a genuine sense of worthiness is a critical step in overcoming self-blame. Seek out a professional if you need more help in working around this issue.

Anger Style: Avoidance

What it looks like: "I'm fine. It's fine. Everything's fine." Even when there's a fireball of rage burning in your gut, you paste on a happy face and dodge any display of irritation. This isn't passive aggression; it's buried aggression.
Why you might do it: "Women in particular are told over and over again to be nice no matter what. Get angry and you could lose your reputation, marriage, friends, or job," says Potter-Efron. If you grew up in a volatile or abusive home, you may not believe anger can be controlled or expressed calmly.
The damage: The primary function of anger is to signal that something is amiss and encourage resolution. By ignoring that warning sign, you may end up engaging in self-destructive behaviors (overeating, excessive shopping). You're also basically giving the green light to other people's bad behavior or denying them the opportunity to make amends. How can they apologize if they don't know you've been hurt?

How to Turn It Around

• Challenge your core beliefs. Ask yourself, "Is it really fine for my employees to leave early whenever they want? For my partner to go golfing every weekend?" If you're honest, the resounding answer to these questions is probably "You know what? It's not fine." Recognizing that something is wrong is the first step to setting it right. 
• Step outside yourself. Imagine that a friend is the one being abused, overworked, or neglected. What would be the appropriate way for her to respond? Make a list of actions she might take, then ask yourself why it is OK for her, but not you, to react that way. 
• Embrace healthy confrontation. Someone ticked you off? Tell the person―in a positive, constructive way. Yes, he or she might be surprised, possibly even (gasp!) angered, by your words. And you know what? He or she will get over it. "Avoidance often does more damage to families and friendships than any expression of anger," says Potter-Efron.

Anger Style: Sarcasm

What it looks like: "It's OK that you're late. I had time to read the menu―40 times." You find a roundabout way of getting your digs in, with a half smile. 
Why you might do it: You were probably raised to believe that expressing negative emotions directly isn't OK, so you take a more indirect route. If folks get mad, it's their fault, not yours. After all, you were just kidding. Can't people take a joke? 
The damage: Even though couched in wit, your cutting comments can damage your relationships. Although some people insist that mockery is a form of intellectual humor, the very word sarcasm is related to the Greek word sarkazein, meaning "to tear flesh like dogs." Ouch. 

How to Turn It Around

• Give it to them straight. "Sarcasm is passive-aggressive communication," explains Todd. Find words to express how you feel head-on. You might explain to a tardy friend, say, after you're seated, "I wish you would try to be on time, especially when you know we have limited time."
• Be firm and clear. This is especially true with children, to whom a gentle "Jumping on the furniture is not acceptable" sends a much clearer message than the snarky "Don't worry―we just happen to have $2,000 set aside for a new sofa."
• Speak up before you get bitter. Exercising assertiveness prior to arriving at your breaking point can help prevent a sarcastic streak from popping out.

Anger Style: Passive-Aggressive

What it looks like: "Oops. Did I delete all those old baseball games from the TiVo?" You don't hide or swallow your anger, but you express it in an underhanded way.
Why you might do it: You dislike confrontation, but you're no pushover, either. "People become 'anger sneaks' when they believe they can't stand up to others," says Potter-Efron. Some people who are cautious by nature turn to this style when they feel pushed outside their comfort zones.
The damage: You frustrate people. Todd puts it another way: "You're living your life around making sure other people don't get what they want, instead of striving for what would make you happy." The bottom line: No one wins.

How to Turn It Around

• Give yourself permission to get angry. Tell yourself that anger is your psyche's way of saying you're tired of being pushed around. A mantra: Assertiveness is fine; aggression (passive or otherwise) is not.
• Advocate for yourself. Instead of "forgetting" to turn in your report at work or showing up late to meetings, gather your courage and tell your boss that your workload has gotten too heavy or that you're having an issue with a coworker. It won't be easy, but neither is looking for another job.
• Take control. If you turn to passive aggression when you're uncomfortable with what's expected of you, it's important to do something to take the reins of your situation. Unable to manage the house or the finances solo? Rather than doing a haphazard job of it (subconsciously, of course), tell your partner how important it is that he contributes.
   

• http://www.realsimple.com

Strategies for controlling your anger

Everybody gets angry, but out-of-control rage isn't good for you or those around you. When you can't control your anger, you may get into fist-fights or drive recklessly, for example, endangering yourself and others.

But anger also plays havoc with your own body. Research shows that anger can increase people's — especially men's — chances of developing coronary heart disease and having worse outcomes if they already have heart disease.1 Anger can also lead to stress-related problems, such as insomnia, digestive problems, and headaches.

You can learn to control your anger, however. In one study for example, cognitive-behavioral therapy improved people's control of their anger and reduced their hostility, aggression, and depression.2 Here are some strategies you can use to simmer down. If you are in a relationship with a hot-tempered partner, you could both benefit from these techniques.

Relaxation

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help soothe angry feelings.

Try these simple steps:

• Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm. Breathing from your chest won't relax you, so picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
• Slowly repeat a calming word or phrase, such as "relax" or "take it easy." Keep repeating it to yourself while breathing deeply.
• Use imagery. Visualize a relaxing experience from your memory or your imagination.
• Try non-strenuous, slow exercises. Yoga and similar activities can relax your muscles and calm you down.

Practice these techniques daily. Eventually, you'll be able to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.

Cognitive Restructuring

Simply put, cognitive restructuring means changing the way you think. When you're angry, your thinking can get overly dramatic. When something goes wrong, you might tell yourself, "Everything's ruined!" With cognitive restructuring, you replace those kinds of thoughts with more reasonable ones. You might tell yourself instead, "This is frustrating, but it's not the end of the world."

Try these strategies:

• Avoid words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or others. Statements like "This never works" or "You're always forgetting things" make you feel your anger is justified and there's no way to solve the problem. Such statements also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.
• Focus on goals. Say you have a friend who's constantly late when you get together. Don't go on the attack. Instead, think about what you want to accomplish. State the problem and then try to find a solution that works for both of you. If that doesn't work, take matters into your own hands. You might tell your friend to meet you half an hour earlier than you plan to arrive, so that he or she will get there when you do. Either way, the problem is solved — without damaging the friendship.
• Use logic. Even when it's justified, anger can quickly become irrational. Remind yourself that the world is not out to get you and that you're just experiencing one of life's inevitable rough spots. Do this each time you start feeling angry, and you'll get a more balanced perspective.
• Translate expectations into desires. Angry people tend to demand things, whether it's fairness, appreciation, agreement, or just the willingness to do things their way. We are all hurt, disappointed, and frustrated when we don't get what we want, but don't let disappointment turn into anger. Some people use anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't make the hurt go away. Instead, become aware of your demanding nature and change your demands into requests. Saying you would like something is healthier than saying you must have it.

Problem-Solving

Sometimes anger and frustration are the result of very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Anger can be a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. Some people have a cultural belief that every problem has a solution. That belief adds to their frustration when they find out that this isn't always true. If you can't find a solution, focus on how to handle and face the problem.

Make a plan and check your progress along the way, using a guide to organizing or time management if needed. Give it your best, but don't punish yourself if you don't find an answer right away.

Better Communication

Angry people tend to jump to conclusions, however far-fetched. If you are in a heated discussion, slow down. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. And take your time before answering. Instead of saying the first thing that comes into your head, think carefully about what you want to say.

Think about what's behind your anger. Say you value your freedom, but your significant other wants more closeness. If he or she starts complaining, don't retaliate by painting you partner as a jailer.

It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's beneath the words. Perhaps the real message is that your partner feels neglected and unloved. It may take patient questioning, but don't let anger spin things out of control.

Humor

Humor can help defuse rage in several ways.

For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you find yourself thinking of a coworker as a single-cell life form, think what that would look like, picturing an amoeba sitting at a desk and talking on the phone. Or draw a picture. Doing so will take the edge off your fury or help defuse a tense situation.

Humor can also help when you find yourself being unreasonable. If you find yourself thinking that things not going your way is an unbearable indignity you shouldn't have to tolerate, picture yourself as a god or goddess who always gets your way while others defer to you. The more detail you add, the more you'll realize how unreasonable you are and how unimportant the things you're angry about really are.

There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems. Rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't use harsh, sarcastic humor. Such humor is just another form of aggression.

What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously.

Environmental Change

Sometimes it's your immediate circumstances that prompt angry feelings. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you angry at the trap you seem to have fallen into — and all the people and things that form that trap.

Take road rage, for example. If driving makes you furious, research suggests, you're putting yourself and others at risk.3 Angry drivers are more aggressive, take more chances, and report more accidents and near-misses than their more relaxed counterparts. If your commute leaves you frustrated or enraged, perhaps you could find a less congested or more scenic route. Or investigate alternative options, such as taking a bus or train. Finding alternatives can ease your anger, making the road safer for everyone.

Try these other tips for easing up:

• Give yourself a break. Make sure to schedule some personal time during especially stressful parts of the day. You might have a rule that the first 15 minutes after coming home from work will be quiet time, for example. With this brief respite, you'll feel better prepared to handle demands from your kids without blowing up.
• Consider the timing. If you and your spouse tend to fight at night, perhaps it's because you're tired, distracted, or just accustomed to fighting then. Try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.
• Avoid what you can. If you get furious when you walk by your child's messy room, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. And don't tell yourself your child should clean up so you won't have to be angry. That's not the point: The point is to keep yourself calm.

How a Psychologist Can Help

If you continue to feel overwhelmed, consult with a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional who can help you learn how to control your anger. He or she can help you identify problem areas and then develop an action plan for changing them.

Practicing psychologists use a variety of evidence-based treatments — most commonly therapy — to help people improve their lives. Psychologists, who have doctoral degrees, receive one of the highest levels of education of any health care professionals. On average, they spend seven years in education and training following their undergraduate degrees.

http://www.apa.org/